My Thoughts on Healing
The foundation of my approach is the development of three things:
- self-knowledge
- self-acceptance
- self-confidence
When I began this website ten years ago, I stated, "Our truest and most authentic self is buried under years of social conditioning, family expectations and painful experiences. The feeling of being buried leads to stress, anxiety, depression, addictions, confusion and more."
I now recognize this as a "textbook" statement learned in graduate school. Time, experience, meditation and intuition have revealed a more complex understanding of human life, which is definitely more optimistic and life-giving:
We evolve over a lifetime; each phase and transition is authentically who we are in that moment.
AHHHH! That feels much better.
I love symbolism, therefore, I will use an image of a castle to illustrate my point:
Whilst visiting England, I went on a castle tour. The tour guide took us to many sites both ancient and old, where we were told the history and purpose of each room, and saw evidence of how the rooms changed decor and purpose throughout the castles history. However, at no point did the tour guide take us to an existing castle and dismantle it in search of the cornerstone.
Moral of the story: Castles begin with a cornerstone and a plan, but the design and decor often change to suit the needs of the time. It is the history of the entire structure that makes the castle a unique masterpiece.
We are like castles; we need not search for the cornerstone, instead we should seek to understand and appreciate our unique history and wholeness. Yes, we may look back at a certain time and wonder why we ever thought avocado and orange was a great decorating choice, but let's not judge it to harshly. Just laugh and move on.
Our birth is the cornerstone of our life. As we grow we change to meet (or avoid) the environment around us. Like a castle, we have many rooms (personalities/behaviors/ways of being) we learn to utilize. The trick is knowing when the room needs to adapt and change. The hard part is releasing behaviors or thoughts that no longer serve our needs. Just like redecorating a room, we need to explore new ideas to adapt to new situations. If we don't adapt, we begin to crumble or, at least, grumble.
Castle problems can occur for two reasons:
1. We don't tend to the maintenance of our own castle. We ignore the cracks in the ceiling, broken windows and outdated decor. Our energy drains and we feel stuck. We can easily see this in our physical homes ... now transfer the idea to your own person. When was the last time you examined your thoughts to see if they are relevant, helpful, still true?
2. We begin to hoard. We refuse to let go of attitudes, thoughts or behaviors that are no longer useful. (Check out an episode of Hoarders for a great visual). This is the way I've always done it? It's too hard to change. I don't want to do it differently! Well, I didn't really want to spend 10K on having my roof replaced, but it was necessary.
Symptoms of being outdated and hoarding will include: restlessness, stagnation, depression, anxiety, avoidance, addictions, etc...
Solution: A thorough investigation of your castle. Open the doors and windows in each room, honor the history and the crap stored in each room, but then get rid of what is no longer useful. Redesign your inner space and give the structure some needed attention.
Simply stated, Castle Work develops a deep sense of self-knowledge, self-acceptance and self-confidence. These make up the cornerstone to evolving and adapting.
